More often than not, she didn’t choose to stay, she choose to stay alive! It’s not always about what he did either, but what else he COULD do. Also, did you know on average it takes up to SEVEN attempts before finally being free from a abusive relationship?
Statistics show that the most dangerous time in a domestically violent relationship is when the abused tries to leave. This is when most murders occur in those types of relationships. And aside from the violence escalating, most woman face a lot of other problems when trying to muster up the courage to leave. Where to live, how to support them selves or their children, and usually have a very small or even NO support system at all to help due to the isolation.
Speaking from experience I can say that when I tried to be strong and break away from my abuser, this only angered him more. The thought of losing control did not sit well with him. He would not only beat me but steal my purse, all the money in it, all forms of identification and break my phone. He tried everything in his power to make it where I couldn’t make it without him. I couldn’t work without ID of some sort, couldn’t get my own place, and couldn’t file for assistance. And trying to do all this with ZERO cash in hand, damn near impossible without help. That’s where the support system comes in.
My support system was small, but i thank God for them because they honestly paved the way for me. I was active in my church and had plenty of “friends”, but not many were close and I didn’t have a relationship with my family. He had caused so much drama and created such a wedge that we didn’t speak. When I went to church, he was always by my side, listening to every word I spoke. Heaven forbid anyone know the hell I was living. Those few friends I did have, he would harass and try to drive away. He wanted me to need him and only him. And I did, for many years.
There was also the fear of losing my kids. If I moved and they didn’t have their own space, would CPS take them? He called the cops and CPS on a daily basis when I first left. The false reports, threats to come get them while I worked, threats against my life, I was terrified, for me and for them. At least when I was with him, they weren’t involved really. Well they were, but not to this extreme. I wanted to keep them safe,and the struggle was trying to do that with no house, no job, no forms of identification and no support system.
I’ve seen a few brave women speak up and use social media as a platform to help, encourage and raise awareness. To those women I say, you fucking rock. I’ve also seen the hateful comments like “she probably deserved it”, or “you chose to stay”, and even worse the memes that have been made from their pictures. Beat, bloody and bruised, yet people are there mocking, belittling and blaming her for what happened. And it was because of those comments I felt like writing this. So here’s to educating the ignorant, heartless and shameful, though I doubt they will read this, it took longer to write than it took their parents to “properly” raise them.
For anyone trying to be strong, trying to get away or trying to just make it another day, I’m behind you, I believe in you, and you are NEVER truly alone. You deserve a love that doesn’t hurt, both physically or emotionally and don’t settle for anything less. Keep your eyes to the sky and shine brighter than the sun baby girl. You got this.