A argument takes two people. Ever tried arguing with a stove after you burnt your hand on it? Various cuss words come out, you might kick it and yell. Now did you get anywhere? Did the oven apologize to you? I didn’t think so. This is because for a argument to take place, there has to be two willing participants.
If you struggle with codependency it’s hard to maintain that silence. You play the what if game. What if he actually is sorry and I’m just being a bitch? What if he NEEDS me to help him through this addiction. What if he’s actually going to change this time? What about this, what if YOU DESERVE better than playing second fiddle to those habits, behaviors and other people???
After a breakup, we rationalize our contacting them by saying “I need closure”. They hurt us so bad that we just need to hear sorry so it can all go away. Wrong. All we are doing is further enabling there poor choices by subjecting ourselves to their chaos. If someone shot you point blank with a pistol, would it make sense to trust them to also clean and stitch the wound? That’s what we are doing though. We are expecting these people who have destroyed our lives, sometimes intentionally, to be patient, kind, and carful enough to fix it. 
There also comes a time where we are just angry. We want the full fury of GOD to just come down and teach them a lesson they soon won’t forget . You think that you will feel so much better after just laying into them. Tell them how you really feel and how better off you are now. Want to know something? That’s still good ole codependency rushing to the surface.
Its been said before “don’t be worried when I fight with you, be worried when I don’t”. When you no longer fight, it shows you don’t care anymore. I started out by saying you can only fight when there are two willing participants. This person would love nothing more than you to give them a piece of your mind. It tells them you’ve been thinking about them, and they still have power over you in order for you to be hurt. If you really want to tell them how you feel, SAY NOTHING . We all hate to be ignored, and this person is no different. Again, it shows you’ve detached yourself from them and no longer allow them to control how you feel. You’ve moved on and don’t need that fake apology. Silence is golden, and silence is deadly.
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